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The Unfinished Articl: Tolerance and things that *overwhelmingly* fuck me off.

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Tolerance and things that *overwhelmingly* fuck me off.

The Bradshaw

I don’t know whether they are trying to get a book deal or whether they just enjoy writing romance-porn for followers that don’t know better, but either way, The Bradshaw kills me.

Allow me to explain.

Basically, have you ever read a blog that you could easily hear accompanied by Carrie Bradshaw’s* ‘whimsical fairytale princess’ voiceover? Of course you have. 

This, my friends, is what I have coined The Bradshaw. Those people for whom life seems too perfect, or dramatic. Never just… normal.

Some days are just average. Deal with it. Don’t try and make it more than it is.

If you woke up this morning with a headache, it isn’t a Shakespearean tragedy. It’s a bit rubbish, granted, but fucking hell, try and put it into perspective, eh?

Likewise, if you’ve been on a couple of dates with a guy/girl and it’s going quite well, please don’t make it out to be the romance of the century. Yes, there may be some people who lap up that kind of fairytale romance crap, but, are you really comfortable writing that? Really?

He/she is not perfect, nor are you. No one is. When your date scratched their arse inappropriately in public while you were waiting to be seated in a slightly-too-cramped table in that cheap-but-nice-enough restaurant and then slyly tried to pay with out-of-date vouchers, you looked the other way.

That’s fine. That’s what people do. But fuck, why not admit it. Is that not infinitely more relatable for your readers?

Oh and please don’t use ‘the L word’. It isn’t love. Don’t forget you posted about when you met, it was like two months ago and you’ve seen each other six times.

People grossly overuse the word ‘love’

Love should be like a driving license. You have to pass a number of tests before you are authorised to use it freely. And even then, don’t go overboard with it, you can become desensitised to that shit.

Don’t get me wrong, we’ve all used ‘love’ at times we shouldn’t. Like when you’re 18 years old, lost in mid-coitus ecstasy and, for some reason, you find the L word popping out.

Schoolboy error.

*thwack* *thwack* *thwack*
“Oh, god, I, I… I love you!” 
*thwacking stops*
“Did you just say….you love me” 
“NO. I said… I love your tits” 
“Oh…never mind then”
*thwack* *thwack* *thwack*

But you grow up, and you discover that there are other, more appropriately filthy things you can say mid-sex rather than ‘I love you’, such as ‘I want to come in your hair’ or ‘by the way I’m filming this’.

Why can’t people just say “yeah, I really like her” rather than “IT’S DEFINITELY LOVE LOL”

Tumblr is a fantastic support network, I get that. People have achieved great things on Tumblr, and inspired others to do the same. But, would it not inspire people more to just be quite frank when you have a bit of an average day? Or, admit that the girl you started dating is good fun, but she snores and sometimes she sleepwalks to the end of the bed just like that girl in Paranormal Activity.

Self-deprecating humour is among my favourite forms because it comes from a place that everyone can understand and knows intimately.

Humans are flawed creatures.

Embrace your flaws - don’t try and hide them.

*Knowing who Carrie Bradshaw is a bone of contention I had and have with my ex-Girlfriend

(via 45pounds)